I really didn’t want to include a spiritual bio of myself because I felt the knowledge in this book would speak for itself. However, I was encouraged to write this. So, here it is. Hopefully not too long. If you want to skip it, I won’t be hurt.
While a freshman in college I was competing in a Junior College track meet. To get away from the feeling of angst prior to my race, the individual 800 meters, I sought out a relatively quiet place, closed my eyes and went deep into myself. I didn’t know about meditation but I found myself slipping into a transcendental state of deep silence that lit me up inside. All new stuff for me but very interesting. A few moments later I slowly pulled myself out and walked to the starting line for my race.
I noticed my awareness was situated above, back and somehow outside my body. I simply watched myself as if watching a separate person listening to the starter’s instructions and positioning myself on the starting line. It was extremely strange but also really cool and I was super-relaxed, not nervous at all. The gun went off and I automatically reacted. In some weird way I was running in the race about third or fourth place. As the race continued I could feel my witnessing self coming slowly back to the body. As I put on my finishing kick to win the race the witnessing continued back. As I crossed the finish line the witness and my body were again one at that very moment. I vowed then I would do this little thing before races.
I continued this form of “meditation” through the track season but never again had an experience that profound. Once track season was over, so were my “meditation” exploits.
Seven years later I heard of Transcendental Meditation (TM), as taught by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and quickly found myself drawn to it, so I enrolled. I was not taught by Maharishi but rather one of his teachers. In my first meditation I immediately recognized the experience. It took me one or two repetitions of the mantra and I was at that peaceful, silent place. I really enjoyed meditation.
About a month after starting TM, I attended a meditation retreat for the weekend. When I came home after the course I found myself witnessing all day and night for the next three days. It was crystal clear. The experience slowly went away but meditation was still good, real good.
Approximately two years after starting TM, I went on a TM teachers training course. At the end of the course I finally met Maharishi. We ended up talking to each other face to face because I couldn’t remember the mantra (advanced technique) he gave me the day before. At some point he stopped talking and just stared into me. I also stared into him in that moment. What I saw was his face and body faded away and I saw him as the small end of a consciousness funnel that opened to the entire cosmos—planets, stars, the works. In that moment I realized Maharishi was really a precipitation of the infinite, unbounded cosmos. It was truly a beautiful experience. My immediate thought was he’s not even a man. He is all that is in the form of a man. He then spoke and gave me a new mantra.
We talked some more and Maharishi invited me to come with him. I said, I thought the knowledge we just received needed to be used by teaching others. He said, “Who will you teach?” I said, “My family.” At that moment my entire family materialized in a small holographic form between us. I simply thought that this must be what happens when an enlightened person talks about something, it just materializes. We spoke for a while and then Maharishi said, “Go home, teach maybe a hundred people, then come back.” He paused then continued, “Now sit here (right in front of him), and mediate with this mantra and you will never forget it.” He spoke these words “. . . you will never forget it,” with a tonality that conveyed both a compassionate sense of “don’t worry” and a declaration or soft command.
As years went by I had many beautiful experiences but the next memorable series of experiences happened in the summer of 2006. Maharishi was listening to experiences from the folks at the Fairfield, Iowa, meditation domes. We could all feel Maharishi’s attention on us in those weeks and experiences started coming for everyone. A few people in the each dome (men’s and ladies’ domes) would come up to the microphone on stage every day and speak out their respective experiences. Afterwards Maharishi would comment on them.
One day I felt I was ready to give Maharishi my experience. As I waited my turn I could feel my consciousness getting more and more alert until finally that wakefulness moved into my body. At some point it felt like every cell in my body was as awake as was humanly possible. The feeling was so good that I didn’t care if I was called on or not. I was the last person that day. I stepped up to the microphone and Dr. Bevin Morris, Prime Minister of the organization, felt Maharishi had heard enough for the day. So, Dr. Morris started to close the meeting but Maharishi said, “No. No. There’s one more.” So, I was given the floor.
I explained that in TM Siddhis practice, what we were now practicing, I noticed in going from the sutra back to pure consciousness in the practice that there seemed to be a moment where the sutra would transition into pure consciousness and also the other way around, where pure consciousness would transition into the sutra. I mentioned to Maharishi, that I slowed the process down and stayed very alert to see if I could experience that very moment of this transition and I did. At that very moment the nervous system would experience what seemed like an electrical shock. I likened it to a mini lightning bolt. I told him that it took me several meditations before my nervous system was able to handle that energy experience. Now I find myself doing the meditation program from there, within that junction point between the absolute and the relative with my awareness open to both realities simultaneously.
Maharishi said, “The good thing about your experience is that it’s simultaneous and not alternate.” He said, “You are the lamp at the door, shining light in both directions simultaneously.” He continued, “This is a real experience. This is an authentic experience.” He then turned his attention to Dr. Bevan Morris and said, “Mr. Prime Minister, this is the kind of experience we want the Raja’s (this reference was made about the group of ministers under the Prime Minister) to be having.”
This experience may be best understood in the context of a teaching model Maharishi referenced, which is centered around Rishi, Devata and Chandas. The Rishi value is Purusha, Pure Consciousness or the Absolute. Chandas is the manifest universe, the material world or anything of the Relative. Devata is what rests between both these aspects, the Gap that both separated and holds together those other two realities.
The experience I conveyed to Maharishi was the experience of the Devata component of this trio. Having heard Maharishi’s comments it was enough for me to think, I was done. Enlightenment was mine. Until 10 and a half years later.
In early January of 2017 I was reading Harri Aalto’s book, The Landscape of Enlightenment. I came across a question Harri posed as self-inquiry stating, “Who’s having this experience?” I put down the book, closed my eyes and subsequently asked, “Who’s having this experience?” I had my awareness focus and curve back into my head from above going in through the crown chakra in search of that “Who.”
This particular action caused many physiological and psychological changes, literally shaking both to the core over the next six hours, where after I arose awake. From then on I operate both in and out of meditation from that internal Self. Basically, I shifted from Devata consciousness to the Rishi consciousness, Atma. “I am That.”
Forty-nine days later while reviewing principles in a book by Dr. Tony Nader, Ramayan in Human Physiology, something else happened. At about page 7 of that book Dr. Nader uses Maharishi’s concepts to explain subtle vibrations in consciousness, Shruti. The nature of those vibrations is the unwritten Veda and manifestation of those sounds are the words of the Veda. Of greater importance however, are the dynamics of the gap between the syllables in the Rig Veda.
In my subtle state I put my awareness on the first sentence of the Rig Veda and slowly experienced those hymns coming to life in a particular spiral ribbon of sound and vision. After some time I focused on the gaps between the syllables particularly between the first and second syllable and suddenly the hymns stopped.
The first word of the Rig Veda is Agni, containing two syllables, “Ag” and then “ni” but Maharishi pronounced it as “Ak” and then “ni”. When I mentally pronounced it as “Ak” it made a huge difference. It stopped the flow of the Vedas and my consciousness fell into a state of absolute darkness and seeming “collapse,” Pure Nothingness. As my consciousness went into that Nothingness and became it, something that seemed small, the space between two syllables, gradually began to grow to span universal proportions.
The Atma consciousness that I was for the last 49 days grew from an individual dimension of pure consciousness that extended perhaps ten feet around my body to an endless infinity. Over the next few minutes that Nothingness played out as the black background (Shiva) to the next stage of the beautiful light of the stars, planets, cosmos (Vishnu). I was the whole universe, yet the Atma, yet the body, yet the universe, yet the dark background, yet infinity, all simultaneously.
Infinity Meets Infinity
As months went by, my infinity seemed to peer out and Self found non-Self to also be of an infinite nature. “Thou art That.” It was very interesting. One infinity looking at the other infinity. They enjoyed each other’s company. Self and non-Self were of the same substance, pure consciousness. I knew there would come a day when both, or should I say all three infinities, would be one infinity. Yes, all three. At this time, I was infinite. The “other” was infinite. And the reality between the two was also infinite.
It seemed to happen without fanfare. I simply noticed that everywhere I looked, everywhere I felt, I was One. The only One here. Honestly, it wasn’t fun. Until then I had a relationship of perfection. Each infinity was of a glorious, full, complete nature and could appreciate each other on a truly profound level but now??? I was alone. I was and am the whole show. “And That alone Is.”
There was a subtle lamenting of the loss of my infinities. They could be brought back but that just isn’t right. This new state was something I would have to get used to.
Being All Possibilities
After some time I found joy in stepping into my own creation, becoming “ordinary.” Allowing myself to both know the whole story, yet innocently seem clueless, living the unfoldment of the story, experiencing ordinary worldly exchanges.
I find my awareness available to body, subtle body, Atma, the celestials in both Deva and deva form, universal awareness, Vedic blueprint awareness and other realities especially Totality or Brahman. And there is no end in sight. At the same time all these realms can be seen as Nothingness. It’s complete and incomplete simultaneously. Nothing is more valuable than anything else. Thereby creating an evenness of consciousness.
Fortunately, I don’t have to think about any of this, I just allow it to happen. I engage and disengage without any internal discussion. In some way, it’s none of my business.
It’s a strange non-linear impossible life-experience of all possibilities, simultaneously lived in the moment.